Comments on: What if change seems impossible? http://livewhatyoulove.com/2008/06/19/what-if-change-seems-impossible/ Live What You Love: The tools you need for the life you want Tue, 18 Nov 2008 15:14:21 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6 By: Bob and Mel http://livewhatyoulove.com/2008/06/19/what-if-change-seems-impossible/#comment-107 Bob and Mel Thu, 10 Jul 2008 22:51:42 +0000 http://livewhatyoulove.com/?p=121#comment-107 Brenda, we couldn't agree more! Sometimes it just takes a minor adjustment to make a big difference. We've been there too. Brenda, we couldn’t agree more! Sometimes it just takes a minor adjustment to make a big difference. We’ve been there too.

]]> By: Brenda http://livewhatyoulove.com/2008/06/19/what-if-change-seems-impossible/#comment-106 Brenda Thu, 10 Jul 2008 17:21:19 +0000 http://livewhatyoulove.com/?p=121#comment-106 In response to Mark on June 23rd: I know exactly how that feels! I've been there. It's actually more common than you might think. It doesn't mean you have to do something drastic like quit your job or get divorced. Sometimes a simple little tweak, in some other area even, can start to shed a little light on things and begin to bring a different perspective to your situation. Good luck! ~Brenda In response to Mark on June 23rd:
I know exactly how that feels! I’ve been there. It’s actually more common than you might think. It doesn’t mean you have to do something drastic like quit your job or get divorced. Sometimes a simple little tweak, in some other area even, can start to shed a little light on things and begin to bring a different perspective to your situation. Good luck! ~Brenda

]]> By: Bob and Mel http://livewhatyoulove.com/2008/06/19/what-if-change-seems-impossible/#comment-84 Bob and Mel Sat, 28 Jun 2008 12:32:59 +0000 http://livewhatyoulove.com/?p=121#comment-84 Stacey, you've raised a very good question. Synchronizing goals with your spouse is critical in all areas of your life. What if one person wants more children and the other doesn't? Or perhaps you want to start your own business and your husband says you're not qualified and it's too risky. What happens if you want to retire to Florida and he hates the heat? Communication, compromise and flexibility are key. What we've done is not really about taking risks. It's about constantly being aware of each others feelings, goals, concerns and dreams. We know that in order for our relationship to work, we have to listen carefully to what the other person is saying. And if something needs fixing, we work on it together until it's fixed. That doesn't mean that there's a winner and a loser. If one of us wants to try something new and the other doesn't, we examine the risks together and make a joint decision about how we can move forward. Over our 35 years together, we've each compromised many times so the other person can follow a dream of one kind or another. You mentioned "his" reality in your comment but the reality is that when you decided to share your life together, your realities became joined as one. Here are a few suggestions that might help: Have a quiet, calm, loving conversation with your husband and ask him if he has any dreams or expectations. This is not about confrontation but rather, it's about communication. Is there anything he'd like to do that he's not doing now? Does he have any goals or is there any part of his life that he'd like to improve or change? Listen very carefully. Don't worry if your husband doesn't have as many dreams as you do. That's okay. By sharing your dreams and goals, you'll be able talk about your fears and concerns and work together to come up with a strategy that will meet both of your needs. Then do the reverse. Share your dreams with him and hopefully, he'll listen carefully too. If something is important to you, tell him why. Tell him exactly how you feel. Make sure he knows that you're not sure what to do and you're looking for some help. The idea, of course, is that you have to talk about life obstacles as they arise. Sometimes you'll have an issue to resolve and sometimes it will be the other way around. Respect each other unconditionally. You both have different wants and needs and the trick is to help each other accomplish whatever it is you'd like to do. One last thing... If your husband has a dream yet lacks the motivation to follow it through, you may want to work through Step 2 (Research) in <em>Changing Your Course </em>for him. He might really appreciate that you took the time to do that and in turn, support your goals with more enthusiasm. Stacey, don't let anyone "squish" your dreams. Just remember to be flexible along the way. This has to work for both of you. Stacey, you’ve raised a very good question. Synchronizing goals with your spouse is critical in all areas of your life. What if one person wants more children and the other doesn’t? Or perhaps you want to start your own business and your husband says you’re not qualified and it’s too risky. What happens if you want to retire to Florida and he hates the heat?

Communication, compromise and flexibility are key. What we’ve done is not really about taking risks. It’s about constantly being aware of each others feelings, goals, concerns and dreams. We know that in order for our relationship to work, we have to listen carefully to what the other person is saying. And if something needs fixing, we work on it together until it’s fixed. That doesn’t mean that there’s a winner and a loser. If one of us wants to try something new and the other doesn’t, we examine the risks together and make a joint decision about how we can move forward. Over our 35 years together, we’ve each compromised many times so the other person can follow a dream of one kind or another.

You mentioned “his” reality in your comment but the reality is that when you decided to share your life together, your realities became joined as one. Here are a few suggestions that might help:

Have a quiet, calm, loving conversation with your husband and ask him if he has any dreams or expectations. This is not about confrontation but rather, it’s about communication. Is there anything he’d like to do that he’s not doing now? Does he have any goals or is there any part of his life that he’d like to improve or change? Listen very carefully. Don’t worry if your husband doesn’t have as many dreams as you do. That’s okay. By sharing your dreams and goals, you’ll be able talk about your fears and concerns and work together to come up with a strategy that will meet both of your needs.

Then do the reverse. Share your dreams with him and hopefully, he’ll listen carefully too. If something is important to you, tell him why. Tell him exactly how you feel. Make sure he knows that you’re not sure what to do and you’re looking for some help.

The idea, of course, is that you have to talk about life obstacles as they arise. Sometimes you’ll have an issue to resolve and sometimes it will be the other way around.

Respect each other unconditionally. You both have different wants and needs and the trick is to help each other accomplish whatever it is you’d like to do.

One last thing…

If your husband has a dream yet lacks the motivation to follow it through, you may want to work through Step 2 (Research) in Changing Your Course for him. He might really appreciate that you took the time to do that and in turn, support your goals with more enthusiasm.

Stacey, don’t let anyone “squish” your dreams. Just remember to be flexible along the way. This has to work for both of you.

]]> By: Stacey http://livewhatyoulove.com/2008/06/19/what-if-change-seems-impossible/#comment-83 Stacey Thu, 26 Jun 2008 20:46:50 +0000 http://livewhatyoulove.com/?p=121#comment-83 Hmm..love your new book...what if your significant other doesn't have the motivation that you do...you and Bob seem to be risk takers...I use that word gently...my husband is not a risk taker and is not a dreamer..he won't dream with me..or set goals..he is the definition of "living in the moment" he takes things as they come..it drive me crazy...I read your book...get excited and then it seems he squishes my dreams...and has to bring me back to his reality...he does travel to Anguilla with me each year...but that's not his thing either... Stacey Hmm..love your new book…what if your significant other doesn’t have the motivation that you do…you and Bob seem to be risk takers…I use that word gently…my husband is not a risk taker and is not a dreamer..he won’t dream with me..or set goals..he is the definition of “living in the moment” he takes things as they come..it drive me crazy…I read your book…get excited and then it seems he squishes my dreams…and has to bring me back to his reality…he does travel to Anguilla with me each year…but that’s not his thing either…

Stacey

]]> By: Bob and Mel http://livewhatyoulove.com/2008/06/19/what-if-change-seems-impossible/#comment-75 Bob and Mel Mon, 23 Jun 2008 10:50:50 +0000 http://livewhatyoulove.com/?p=121#comment-75 To answer your question Sally, we've written 5 books and have another one called "Working for Yourself" coming out in early 2009. If you'd like more details, they're all in the book section of this website. To answer your question Sally, we’ve written 5 books and have another one called “Working for Yourself” coming out in early 2009. If you’d like more details, they’re all in the book section of this website.

]]> By: Bob and Mel http://livewhatyoulove.com/2008/06/19/what-if-change-seems-impossible/#comment-74 Bob and Mel Mon, 23 Jun 2008 10:46:00 +0000 http://livewhatyoulove.com/?p=121#comment-74 Mark, you've already taken a big step forward by admitting that something in your life has to change. That's a huge accomplishment! You're on your way! Now you need to decide to do something about it. Mark, you’ve already taken a big step forward by admitting that something in your life has to change. That’s a huge accomplishment! You’re on your way! Now you need to decide to do something about it.

]]> By: Bob and Mel http://livewhatyoulove.com/2008/06/19/what-if-change-seems-impossible/#comment-73 Bob and Mel Mon, 23 Jun 2008 10:43:20 +0000 http://livewhatyoulove.com/?p=121#comment-73 How you spend your time is up to you. It's not up to your boss, your friends or your family. If you'd like to change or improve some part of your life, finding time is the first commitment you have to make. If you have trouble squeezing enough D.R.E.A.M. time into your busy schedule, try changing your routine. Find an hour before work or late at night or on the weekend and put yourself on a regular schedule. If you have things you'd like to accomplish, nobody else is going to help you find that time. It's up to you to take control. Good luck and keep us posted on your progress. How you spend your time is up to you. It’s not up to your boss, your friends or your family. If you’d like to change or improve some part of your life, finding time is the first commitment you have to make. If you have trouble squeezing enough D.R.E.A.M. time into your busy schedule, try changing your routine. Find an hour before work or late at night or on the weekend and put yourself on a regular schedule. If you have things you’d like to accomplish, nobody else is going to help you find that time. It’s up to you to take control. Good luck and keep us posted on your progress.

]]> By: Mark http://livewhatyoulove.com/2008/06/19/what-if-change-seems-impossible/#comment-72 Mark Mon, 23 Jun 2008 04:38:32 +0000 http://livewhatyoulove.com/?p=121#comment-72 What if you're just not happy and know something has to change but aren't sure what b/c it could be a few things? I don't love my job and am also having doubts about my marriage. I really just don't even know where to begin to change things, but am very aware pretty much every day when I wake up that I'm not happy with my life. What if you’re just not happy and know something has to change but aren’t sure what b/c it could be a few things? I don’t love my job and am also having doubts about my marriage. I really just don’t even know where to begin to change things, but am very aware pretty much every day when I wake up that I’m not happy with my life.

]]> By: Sally http://livewhatyoulove.com/2008/06/19/what-if-change-seems-impossible/#comment-71 Sally Mon, 23 Jun 2008 00:37:16 +0000 http://livewhatyoulove.com/?p=121#comment-71 Hmmm, maybe I should pick up Changing Your Course to get me started. I need some help getting motivated, that's for sure and your DREAM concept seems like just thing. How many books have you written? Hmmm, maybe I should pick up Changing Your Course to get me started.

I need some help getting motivated, that’s for sure and your DREAM concept seems like just thing.

How many books have you written?

]]> By: Amber http://livewhatyoulove.com/2008/06/19/what-if-change-seems-impossible/#comment-69 Amber Mon, 23 Jun 2008 00:19:04 +0000 http://livewhatyoulove.com/?p=121#comment-69 How do you make yourself keep to the dates though? My whole life I've really struggled to be consistent and time after time I find myself "cutting myself some slack" or whatever, telling myself that it's okay to give myself longer to accomplish things, but when I look back I realize I have given up on so many things. If I could be stricter with myself I think that would be so good for me, but don't know how to be my own boss, you know? How do you make yourself keep to the dates though? My whole life I’ve really struggled to be consistent and time after time I find myself “cutting myself some slack” or whatever, telling myself that it’s okay to give myself longer to accomplish things, but when I look back I realize I have given up on so many things. If I could be stricter with myself I think that would be so good for me, but don’t know how to be my own boss, you know?

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