Live What You Love » Change

Focus on Solutions Instead of Problems

Bob and Mel — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 12:16:15 +0000

No matter how old you are, where you live, or what you do to earn a living, we’re pretty confident that you have a problem or two you’d like to solve. We all do. That’s life. And whether your problems are related to your career, your financial situation, a relationship, or your physical condition, there are always numerous ways to achieve any goal. The trick is to stop focusing on your problems and start thinking about possible solutions. You won’t be able to solve a problem or make a change without understanding the various opportunities available and what it would take to pursue them.

People use all kinds of excuses for not making a change, and most people list fear and lack of money as their biggest obstacles–but it’s a lack of information that usually turns out to be the culprit. Ignorance isn’t bliss, it’s scary. Since it takes no money to research your options, why not spend a little time coming up with a list of choices that will help bring you closer to solving your problem?

Take a piece of paper and describe your problem in a single sentence at the top of the page. Then list as many solutions as possible, even if some of them seem far-fetched or out of reach. Don’t let yourself reject any solutions at this point. It’s impossible to know which one will be right for you until you weigh the pros and cons of each and every opportunity. Here’s an example:

PROBLEM: I need to get into better physical condition.

POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS:

Join a gym.

Buy a treadmill.

Attend an excercise class.

Walk every day.

Jog every day.

Swim every day.

Ride my bicycle every day.

Go on a diet.

Join a sports team.

Eat more healthful food.

Consider all of your options and be as open-minded as possible. In order to successfully solve any problem, you’ve got to get a handle on the various solutions before moving forward.

Change your relationship with fear

Bob and Mel — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 11:39:38 +0000

We hear from people every day who know that they need to make some sort of a change in their life. It’s often a change in career, but we also hear stories about wanting to move closer to family, start a business, or either rekindle or end a relationship. The overwhelming challenge that we all have in common when making a change is dealing with fear. There’s no question that change can be difficult, but when we allow fear to control what we do for a living, where we live, and who we spend our time with, something is terribly wrong.

What we’ve learned, and what we know deep in our souls, is that although fear is a powerful force, it’s critical to keep whatever we’re worried about in perspective. The best way we know how to approach fear when making a change is to understand – and be very aware – that it’s impossible to prepare in advance for everything that might happen to us down the road. It’s true that some level of risk comes with any change. But when we worry so much about every potential problem that might arise and therefore, we never make a move, it’s time to take control.

If you’re in a position of wanting to make a change but you have a long list of “what ifs” that’s keeping you from moving forward, it’s time to change your relationship with fear. You will absolutely not be able to predict what obstacles may or may not lie ahead, so you may as well stop worrying about them now. Stop focusing on what can go wrong and start thinking about the positive affects of making a change.

Take one step – and one day – at a time. When you hit a bump in the road, you’ll find a way to deal with it. You may even take a detour and end up going in a different direction than originally planned. That’s okay. It’s actually more than okay. That’s life. Truthfully, we’ve found that those detours are usually the best part of the journey.

Don’t give up!

Bob and Mel — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 19:30:00 +0000

We’re as scared as anyone during these terrible, unsettling times. We’ve been in business for 35 years and have had to lay people off for the first time ever. It’s been just about the hardest thing we’ve ever done but we’re being as cautious and as frugal as possible in order to stay afloat. The most frightening part of what’s going on is that it’s all so far beyond our control.

At the same time, we remember clearly that our most successful ventures have been started in times of crisis. When we closed our children’s stores in the early 80s due to high interest rates (we were paying 21% on an SBA loan), we found temporary jobs to keep food on the table and scraped together $4,000 to start our salad dressing business. At the time, we were 3 months behind with our mortgage payments.

In fact, we have lived through many difficult times that have forced us to gain new strength, learn new skills and adjust how we look at life. Although we now find ourselves in one of the toughest economic situations we can imagine, we’re learning more about ourselves and about how we want to live each and every day.

It’s critical for all of us to be strong and hopeful. Never give up on your dreams and goals just because times are tough. We can all use this disastrous economy as an opportunity to regroup and rethink exactly how we want to live and what we want to do. Now is the perfect time to take charge of your life.

Pay it forward

Bob and Mel — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 17:34:39 +0000

As overwhelming as the economic news is these days, we’ve learned to never underestimate the effects of a simple story. Sometimes, small trumps big. When we first wrote A Trip to the Beach, for example, we never expected to receive letters of thanks. We had hoped to entertain readers with the story of our move to Anguilla and our first wonderful, hair-raising year there. But inspire them? The thought had never really crossed our minds. Yet dozens and then hundreds and by now, thousands of strangers from all over wrote to tell us how grateful they were that we had shared our story. They took to heart our simple tale of living what you love – and they went on to change their own lives as a result. That experience taught us the power of a story.

Now we’re all trying to comprehend the huge story of a global economic meltdown. How are we to deal with such overwhelming events? Well, this would be a time to share our own stories of courage, to help and support each other as much as we can. We invite you to share your own true story of positive change, or the story of someone you know. Someone who is living what they love. Just click on “Tell Us Your Story” at the top of this page or, if you prefer, simply post it here in the blog. Either way, you have the power to offer strength and encouragement to someone in need. You never know the good those words can do!

Live discussion: July 3rd 12:00 noon EDT

Bob and Mel — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 11:56:19 +0000

We’d love to have you join us for a live chat to talk about our latest book, Changing Your Course. Syndicated columnist Michelle Singletary will be hosting the discussion. To join the chat all you have to do is this:

1. Click on this link.

2. Click on Michelle Singletary

3. Then click “Live Q&A”

You can submit your own thoughts by clicking the “submit a question or comment” link throughout the hour-long conversation. You can also stay updated during the chat by pressing the F5 button to refresh and see new questions.

So join us at noon on July 3rd for a live discussion and come ready to ask us whatever questions you may have. We’re here to help and would love to meet you!

Would you like to read the article written in the Washington Post? Click here.

How can we help?

Bob and Mel — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 11:00:58 +0000

We’d like to do everything we possibly can to help you Live What You Love. We know that change is not easy and we have lots of ideas about how to help, but we want to make sure we give you what you want – and what you need most. Please tell us which of the following you would find most helpful and feel free to choose as many as you like.

- Interactive tools to help you track your personal D.R.E.A.M. progress online
- An easy way to connect with others who are committed to following the 5 D.R.E.A.M. steps
- An online Changing Your Course Mentorship Program
- D.R.E.A.M. workbook
- Private Coaching Program
- Quizzes and tests to help you determine which part of your life you’d like to improve
- Strategies for dealing with difficult situations
- Advice and information from other people who live what they love
- Format for creating your own personalized goals

Please tell us if you have any other thoughts or ideas about how we could help.

Send us your questions, requests and suggestions!

Just let us know your thoughts by sending a comment to this blog entry. If you are new to blogging and don’t know how to post a comment, please drop us a line at blanchards@lwyl.com and we’ll help guide you along. It’s really easy!

LWYL,
Bob and Mel

Can You Afford The Life You Want?

Bob and Mel — Tue, 27 May 2008 15:41:04 +0000

We’re often deeply moved by the e-mails we get from our readers. Just recently a woman named Julie wrote, “I am so unhappy in my job, and pretty much always have been, but I can’t afford to do the things I want to do. In order to be responsible and pay my bills, I have to sacrifice want for need. I’m tired of living like this. I feel trapped and have felt this way for quite some time.”

Julie’s frustration is so clear to us that we wonder how she can afford not to make a change in her life. But her question about how to pay for this is the one we hear most when we talk about the importance of living what you love. That sounds great, people say, but the reality is that I have bills to pay!

Well, we’ve never been rich and we’ve often enough been broke, so we know those realities intimately. But we’ve also known that the one thing we could never sacrifice was living a life of passion and enthusiasm. We’d rather do without stuff than live without joy.

Fine, you might say, but how do I actually make choices? Our book Changing Your Course is a great guide to answering this question, with a step-by-step plan for getting the life you want, but the short answer is Do Your Homework. People so often tell us that they can’t afford to live their dream but then they draw a blank when we ask them, “How much, exactly, do you need?”

Until you’ve done all the research and figured out all the costs (and benefits!) of making a change, you simply aren’t qualified to say it’s impossible. You may need to modify your plans. Part of your homework is to research alternative ways of achieving your dream. You probably will have to make some sacrifices. But remember that it’s your life that’s at stake. How much is that worth to you?

Remember:

List all the costs associated with each one of your goals.
Don’t worry about what you think you can afford until you’ve done all your research.
Find the right balance between money and passion.
Don’t listen to people who say you can’t afford to do something.
Don’t allow fear to distract you.

Just graduated? How not to get stuck

Bob and Mel — Mon, 19 May 2008 18:24:49 +0000

We just got an e-mail from one of our readers, a young woman who graduated from college in December. Although she was always a successful, goal-oriented student—she graduated magna cum laude—right now she’s working as a server at a country club. She wrote, “Even though I’m not where I thought I would be at this point in my life, I am so much happier. I’m not stuck to a plan I don’t love just because it’s better than not having one at all.” She’s planning to go to graduate school in the future but she says, “I’m learning to accept the fact that it’s okay to change my mind if I feel things aren’t working out.”

We were amazed by this young woman’s wisdom and courage. When we look around us, we see countless people who would rather stay stuck forever than accept that something just isn’t working for them. And it seems especially hard for young people in today’s competitive world to follow their own hearts. So many students and recent graduates live lives based on other people’s expectations. But if you live what you love, you’ve learned this one thing: there’s no manual or book of rules telling you what you should be doing.

4 Reminders for Recent Graduates

1) Each of us craves different experiences and those desires change and evolve continually. It’s essential to remain flexible and be open to new ideas.

2) Remember to re-evaluate how things are working on a regular basis. Just because you’re doing what you always thought you wanted to do, or what someone else told you to do, doesn’t mean it’s actually right for you.

3) When you embrace a Live What You Love attitude, you know that you can make decisions that are based on your own needs and experiences—not on other people’s expectations.

4) Remember to trust your instincts! They will rarely steer you wrong.

Why you should run away from home

Bob and Mel — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 20:10:58 +0000

When did you last allow yourself time to dream?

We’ve come up with a tactic that helps us focus on what’s important in our lives and what can wait until later: We run away from home. Not for long, of course – just long enough to give us perspective. For us, that means driving over to the coast of Maine for lunch. It’s a two-hour trip and we accomplish more in that time than we ever would during the same two hours at home. We take turns driving along the back roads and it’s amazing how the peaceful ride away from all distractions can get our creative juices going.

We head for Barnacle Billy’s in Ogunquit and sit on the deck overlooking the harbor. Often we end up talking about our lives. We think about what’s working and what’s not. We make lists of pros and cons about what we might want to change. Dreaming about how to improve the quality of our life is how we ended up spending summers in Vermont and winters in Anguilla. We gave ourselves the luxury of time to think about what we really wanted to do.

Figure out where you could go for a day of dreaming. Think about having a great lunch in a casual place where you can linger. (Good food really does help the process!) Take some time getting there, too. Let your mind wander around the thought of what really makes you happy. Allow yourself to think about change. If some aspect of your life was modified, how would that affect you?

You’ll find that if you indulge yourself with a day of dreaming, it won’t be time wasted. It’s the first step to a life filled with passion and enthusiasm – not to mention some memorable meals along the way.

Trust it or adjust it

Bob and Mel — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 15:36:40 +0000

Sharing music and s’mores with some of our closest friends

In our commitment to living a life we love, we’ve found that it’s important – no, it’s essential – that we continually question what is and what isn’t working. And that’s our challenge to you. Right now, ask yourself:

Am I still passionate about what I’m doing?
Do I enjoy the people I spend time with?
Do I love where I live?

If the answer to each of these questions isn’t an enthusiastic “yes,” then you need to make an adjustment.

Time and again, we’ve been offered opportunities that seem to offer overwhelming advantages but often enough, we’ve turned those opportunities down. Why? Because they didn’t feel right. We’ve learned to trust our instincts and we take our feelings seriously enough to use them as our guides.

Of course we all need to take practical considerations into account but sometimes, the more logical choices just don’t feel right. And we’ve found that those feelings are what make the difference between a life that’s good enough and a life that’s vital, passionate, meaningful.

Whether you call it instinct or intuition, whether it comes from your heart or your gut, you need to trust your feelings and use them to determine your choices. That’s how you create a life you can love.