Live What You Love » Fear

Change your relationship with fear

Bob and Mel — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 11:39:38 +0000

We hear from people every day who know that they need to make some sort of a change in their life. It’s often a change in career, but we also hear stories about wanting to move closer to family, start a business, or either rekindle or end a relationship. The overwhelming challenge that we all have in common when making a change is dealing with fear. There’s no question that change can be difficult, but when we allow fear to control what we do for a living, where we live, and who we spend our time with, something is terribly wrong.

What we’ve learned, and what we know deep in our souls, is that although fear is a powerful force, it’s critical to keep whatever we’re worried about in perspective. The best way we know how to approach fear when making a change is to understand – and be very aware – that it’s impossible to prepare in advance for everything that might happen to us down the road. It’s true that some level of risk comes with any change. But when we worry so much about every potential problem that might arise and therefore, we never make a move, it’s time to take control.

If you’re in a position of wanting to make a change but you have a long list of “what ifs” that’s keeping you from moving forward, it’s time to change your relationship with fear. You will absolutely not be able to predict what obstacles may or may not lie ahead, so you may as well stop worrying about them now. Stop focusing on what can go wrong and start thinking about the positive affects of making a change.

Take one step – and one day – at a time. When you hit a bump in the road, you’ll find a way to deal with it. You may even take a detour and end up going in a different direction than originally planned. That’s okay. It’s actually more than okay. That’s life. Truthfully, we’ve found that those detours are usually the best part of the journey.

Benefiting from the bad economy?

Bob and Mel — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 14:00:57 +0000

The bad economic news just doesn’t seem to end, does it? Food and gas prices are skyrocketing while the housing and job markets are tanking. Everyone’s feeling the pinch—it’s a scary, stressful time. But please don’t use the economy as an excuse to avoid changing your course. A lousy economy could actually be an opportunity in disguise.

Making changes in this climate does take careful thought and planning but nothing good can happen until you move from anxiety to positive action. It’s your choice. You can worry about circumstances that are beyond your control or you can determine which elements of your life are open to change. Maybe it’s your job, maybe it’s where you live or maybe it’s how you spend your spare time. But positive adjustments can always be made.

Here’s your challenge. Find an opportunity to improve some area of your life. Whether the change is big or small, the point is to use the bad economy as a wake-up call. Instead of merely reacting to life’s events as they occur, take charge and create your own circumstances. Each time you make a change, you build the confidence and momentum you need for the next step.

You’re smart. Use your brain and your talents to your advantage. Do more than just survive the bad economy—benefit from it. Take control and make some changes!

To read more about this in the Washington Post, please click here.

What’s the color of your money?

Bob and Mel — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 21:06:10 +0000

Just a couple of days ago, our new book Changing Your Course got a very nice review in The Washington Post–but not in the book review section, as you might have expected. Instead, it appeared in the newspaper’s personal finance column, The Color of Money, written by Michelle Singletary (Article).

Why would a financial analyst devote a column to our book? Michelle understands that in this economy, a lot of people are being forced to consider whether they can afford not to change course. Whether they’re anticipating a pink slip or they’ve already been laid off, whether they’re run out of surplus home equity or they’re actually facing foreclosure, people across the country are getting the kind of wake-up call that makes change a whole lot more appealing than the status quo.
If you’re facing that situation, what do you do next? First, don’t let fear distract you. There are always solutions. Turn to our 5-step D.R.E.A.M guide to start creating your plan for a more fulfilling life, financially and emotionally. And then at noon on July 3, please join us and Michelle Singletary at http://www.washingtonpost.com. We’ll be discussing how to change your course and we’d love to hear from you!

Changing Course? 10 best questions to ask

Bob and Mel — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 13:58:08 +0000

One of the best ways to figure out how to change your course for the better is to ask the right questions. Creating a life you love means researching the options that interest you and to do so, you’ll want to get information from people who have done something similar. You want to learn from people who’ve “been there, done that” but remember, the information you get will largely depend on the questions you ask. You need to be both open-ended and specific in your questions, so that you don’t just hear what you want to hear.

Here are some of the best questions to ask your experts in order to get targeted and useful responses:

How did you ____________ ?
What do you like about ____________ ?
What do you dislike about ____________ ?
How did you overcome the issue of ____________ ?
What’s been your experience with ____________ ?
Do you have any problems with ____________ ?
What would suggest regarding ____________ ?
What was the biggest surprise when you ____________ ?
Why did you choose to ____________ ?
Would you do ____________ again?

Be persistent in asking questions. Remember, knowledge always trumps fear. The more you know, the less you’ll be afraid to change course.

Trust it or adjust it

Bob and Mel — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 15:36:40 +0000

Sharing music and s’mores with some of our closest friends

In our commitment to living a life we love, we’ve found that it’s important – no, it’s essential – that we continually question what is and what isn’t working. And that’s our challenge to you. Right now, ask yourself:

Am I still passionate about what I’m doing?
Do I enjoy the people I spend time with?
Do I love where I live?

If the answer to each of these questions isn’t an enthusiastic “yes,” then you need to make an adjustment.

Time and again, we’ve been offered opportunities that seem to offer overwhelming advantages but often enough, we’ve turned those opportunities down. Why? Because they didn’t feel right. We’ve learned to trust our instincts and we take our feelings seriously enough to use them as our guides.

Of course we all need to take practical considerations into account but sometimes, the more logical choices just don’t feel right. And we’ve found that those feelings are what make the difference between a life that’s good enough and a life that’s vital, passionate, meaningful.

Whether you call it instinct or intuition, whether it comes from your heart or your gut, you need to trust your feelings and use them to determine your choices. That’s how you create a life you can love.