People use all kinds of excuses for not making a change, and most people list fear and lack of money as their biggest obstacles–but it’s a lack of information that usually turns out to be the culprit. Ignorance isn’t bliss, it’s scary. Since it takes no money to research your options, why not spend a little time coming up with a list of choices that will help bring you closer to solving your problem?

Take a piece of paper and describe your problem in a single sentence at the top of the page. Then list as many solutions as possible, even if some of them seem far-fetched or out of reach. Don’t let yourself reject any solutions at this point. It’s impossible to know which one will be right for you until you weigh the pros and cons of each and every opportunity. Here’s an example:

PROBLEM: I need to get into better physical condition.

POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS:

Join a gym.

Buy a treadmill.

Attend an excercise class.

Sign up for a dance class.

Walk every day.

Jog every day.

Swim every day.

Ride my bicycle every day.

Go on a diet.

Join a sports team.

Eat more healthful food.

Consider all of your options and be as open-minded as possible. In order to successfully solve any problem, you’ve got to get a handle on the various solutions before moving forward.

Change, of course, is the common denominator. The big life changes, like birth and marriage and death, are easily visible yet our lives are all changing minute to minute. (Isn’t that what’s so amazing about being around little kids? You can actually see the changes from day to day, as they grow and learn.) For some reason, human beings resist change—it feels scary and stressful. But change is unavoidable. How you handle change is where choice comes in.

Successfully dealing with change depends on researching and evaluating the challenges and options at hand. Give yourself the gift of time to work on this without distractions.

1) Ask yourself what you want to do.
2) Be as focused as you can with your answers. Write them down!
3) Give careful consideration to all options, no matter how improbable they may seem.
Right now, you’re gathering information.
4) Acknowledge that change is a normal, natural part of life.

Keep coming back to this exercise until you can clearly express the changes you need to make in order to live the life you want. The insights you gain at this point will allow you to move forward. And you’ll develop the confidence that you can do more than simply endure change. You can—really and truly—learn to embrace it.

1. her husband loves Boston, the cold and his work
2. she takes care of her two adorable grandchildren one day a week
3. she’s worried about leaving behind Boston’s excellent medical facilities

She can’t decide whether these are serious roadblocks to her dream of living somewhere warm or simply excuses for staying stuck. Her concerns may seem very specific to her situation but just about any life question can be tackled using the 5-step D.R.E.A.M. guide that we discuss in Changing Your Course.

To get unstuck, the first step is always to Decide whether or not your dream is important enough to warrant spending time examining your options. If so, Step 2 will help you do that Research, part of which has to do with exploring the logistics. In the case of our reader, perhaps she could start off by spending a week or two in Florida and add more time the next year. For that week or two, alternate childcare arrangements could be made for her grandchildren. Part of the necessary research also means looking at the relationships involved. If our reader is really miserable, she needs to share those feelings with her family so that together they can come up with solutions. Maybe she can go south with a friend or perhaps her husband can come for some of the time.

As always, there are choices that have to be made. Flexibility is the key. If your goals are important enough, you can find ways to achieve them even if you have to make adjustments to fit the realities of your family, income, location, etc. You have to be prepared to modify and adapt your goals but don’t let this stop you. Get unstuck and get some sun!

Julie’s frustration is so clear to us that we wonder how she can afford not to make a change in her life. But her question about how to pay for this is the one we hear most when we talk about the importance of living what you love. That sounds great, people say, but the reality is that I have bills to pay!

Well, we’ve never been rich and we’ve often enough been broke, so we know those realities intimately. But we’ve also known that the one thing we could never sacrifice was living a life of passion and enthusiasm. We’d rather do without stuff than live without joy.

Fine, you might say, but how do I actually make choices? Our book Changing Your Course is a great guide to answering this question, with a step-by-step plan for getting the life you want, but the short answer is Do Your Homework. People so often tell us that they can’t afford to live their dream but then they draw a blank when we ask them, “How much, exactly, do you need?”

Until you’ve done all the research and figured out all the costs (and benefits!) of making a change, you simply aren’t qualified to say it’s impossible. You may need to modify your plans. Part of your homework is to research alternative ways of achieving your dream. You probably will have to make some sacrifices. But remember that it’s your life that’s at stake. How much is that worth to you?

Remember:

• List all the costs associated with each one of your goals.
• Don’t worry about what you think you can afford until you’ve done all your research.
• Find the right balance between money and passion.
• Don’t listen to people who say you can’t afford to do something.
• Don’t allow fear to distract you.

Here are some of the best questions to ask your experts in order to get targeted and useful responses:

1. How did you ____________ ?
2. What do you like about ____________ ?
3. What do you dislike about ____________ ?
4. How did you overcome the issue of ____________ ?
5. What’s been your experience with ____________ ?
6. Do you have any problems with ____________ ?
7. What would suggest regarding ____________ ?
8. What was the biggest surprise when you ____________ ?
9. Why did you choose to ____________ ?
10. Would you do ____________ again?

Be persistent in asking questions. Remember, knowledge always trumps fear. The more you know, the less you’ll be afraid to change course.

Long walks are a great way to talk about what part of your life might need some adjustment.

An essential step in figuring out how to live what you love is to do lots of research. But by this, we don’t mean getting information from the Web or from books or mentors. It’s about you. Before you can act on your dream, you need to closely examine yourself.

Research starts on the inside before branching out into external sources. It’s a process that helps you transform your dreams into a practical list of things to do. And it begins with asking yourself a million and one questions. Ask yourself all the probing questions you can until you know what it is you want to do. What would you like to accomplish? Try to be as specific as possible. Would you like to change your career? Spend more time doing something you love? Change or improve a relationship? Change where you live?

Take as much time as you need to think of everything you’d like to do and remember not to hold anything back. This is an exploratory exercise. You don’t need to worry about how you’re going to achieve any of your goals; right now your only job is to create an honest, accurate list of what you’d like to do. Remember to be as specific as possible. Put your list aside for a few days, and then return to it with fresh eyes. What do you see?