Live What You Love

Focus on Solutions Instead of Problems

Bob and Mel — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 12:16:15 +0000

No matter how old you are, where you live, or what you do to earn a living, we’re pretty confident that you have a problem or two you’d like to solve. We all do. That’s life. And whether your problems are related to your career, your financial situation, a relationship, or your physical condition, there are always numerous ways to achieve any goal. The trick is to stop focusing on your problems and start thinking about possible solutions. You won’t be able to solve a problem or make a change without understanding the various opportunities available and what it would take to pursue them.

People use all kinds of excuses for not making a change, and most people list fear and lack of money as their biggest obstacles–but it’s a lack of information that usually turns out to be the culprit. Ignorance isn’t bliss, it’s scary. Since it takes no money to research your options, why not spend a little time coming up with a list of choices that will help bring you closer to solving your problem?

Take a piece of paper and describe your problem in a single sentence at the top of the page. Then list as many solutions as possible, even if some of them seem far-fetched or out of reach. Don’t let yourself reject any solutions at this point. It’s impossible to know which one will be right for you until you weigh the pros and cons of each and every opportunity. Here’s an example:

PROBLEM: I need to get into better physical condition.

POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS:

Join a gym.

Buy a treadmill.

Attend an excercise class.

Walk every day.

Jog every day.

Swim every day.

Ride my bicycle every day.

Go on a diet.

Join a sports team.

Eat more healthful food.

Consider all of your options and be as open-minded as possible. In order to successfully solve any problem, you’ve got to get a handle on the various solutions before moving forward.

Your Life Doesn’t Have to Fit Neatly Between the Lines. Color It Any Way You Want!

Bob and Mel — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 10:58:47 +0000

We all get caught in the trap of living our lives based on other people’s expectations. But life is not about expectations. And it’s certainly not about other people’s expectations. It’s about your experiences and what you do each and every day, and only you can decide what type of experiences are meaningful to you.

As children, we both tried to color between the lines. That’s what was expected and we always wanted to do what was right. When we were in college, working for ourselves was the last thing on our minds. It never even occurred to us that having our own business was something we should consider. But somewhere along the way, we wondered who actually wrote all of these rules? Who passed the law about coloring within the lines? And who decided that we should follow a traditional career path?

We stopped playing by the rules – or at least what we thought were the rules – when we finally realized that our life belongs to us and us alone. When other people advised us to follow a traditional career path rather than start our own business, we listened but moved on, trusting our instincts and taking a series of calculated risks. Advice is generally well intentioned but not always useful. One piece of advice we were given was that we were too young to get married. Thirty-five years later, we’re still happy with our life together and more than a few of our early advisors have been separated or divorced more than once. So much for living life the way other people think it should be lived.

Change your relationship with fear

Bob and Mel — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 11:39:38 +0000

We hear from people every day who know that they need to make some sort of a change in their life. It’s often a change in career, but we also hear stories about wanting to move closer to family, start a business, or either rekindle or end a relationship. The overwhelming challenge that we all have in common when making a change is dealing with fear. There’s no question that change can be difficult, but when we allow fear to control what we do for a living, where we live, and who we spend our time with, something is terribly wrong.

What we’ve learned, and what we know deep in our souls, is that although fear is a powerful force, it’s critical to keep whatever we’re worried about in perspective. The best way we know how to approach fear when making a change is to understand – and be very aware – that it’s impossible to prepare in advance for everything that might happen to us down the road. It’s true that some level of risk comes with any change. But when we worry so much about every potential problem that might arise and therefore, we never make a move, it’s time to take control.

If you’re in a position of wanting to make a change but you have a long list of “what ifs” that’s keeping you from moving forward, it’s time to change your relationship with fear. You will absolutely not be able to predict what obstacles may or may not lie ahead, so you may as well stop worrying about them now. Stop focusing on what can go wrong and start thinking about the positive affects of making a change.

Take one step – and one day – at a time. When you hit a bump in the road, you’ll find a way to deal with it. You may even take a detour and end up going in a different direction than originally planned. That’s okay. It’s actually more than okay. That’s life. Truthfully, we’ve found that those detours are usually the best part of the journey.

Don’t give up!

Bob and Mel — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 19:30:00 +0000

We’re as scared as anyone during these terrible, unsettling times. We’ve been in business for 35 years and have had to lay people off for the first time ever. It’s been just about the hardest thing we’ve ever done but we’re being as cautious and as frugal as possible in order to stay afloat. The most frightening part of what’s going on is that it’s all so far beyond our control.

At the same time, we remember clearly that our most successful ventures have been started in times of crisis. When we closed our children’s stores in the early 80s due to high interest rates (we were paying 21% on an SBA loan), we found temporary jobs to keep food on the table and scraped together $4,000 to start our salad dressing business. At the time, we were 3 months behind with our mortgage payments.

In fact, we have lived through many difficult times that have forced us to gain new strength, learn new skills and adjust how we look at life. Although we now find ourselves in one of the toughest economic situations we can imagine, we’re learning more about ourselves and about how we want to live each and every day.

It’s critical for all of us to be strong and hopeful. Never give up on your dreams and goals just because times are tough. We can all use this disastrous economy as an opportunity to regroup and rethink exactly how we want to live and what we want to do. Now is the perfect time to take charge of your life.

A bit of sweetness

Bob and Mel — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 17:14:26 +0000

Are you craving something sweet right now? Of course, it’s that time of the year when we all need to replenish our stores of comfort and joy as winter really settles in. And that’s especially true this year, for reasons that we’re all too familiar with. So to do our part in lifting spirits, we’re at long last offering our Coffee Pecan Toffee and Toffee Crumbles. We’ve been making this toffee since 1994 when we first opened the doors of our restaurant in Anguilla, and our guests have been begging us to package it ever since. What makes it so irresistible is the crunch of fresh pecans mixed with rich, dark roast coffee beans. To top it off, we add a thin, crackly layer of fine chocolate. Yumm!

We think the toffee is perfect as a snack right from the jar and the crumbles are simply the best topping for a bowl of ice cream. For us, living what we love means making sure our restaurant guests come away with unforgettable memories. Let us know how you like it!

Pay it forward

Bob and Mel — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 17:34:39 +0000

As overwhelming as the economic news is these days, we’ve learned to never underestimate the effects of a simple story. Sometimes, small trumps big. When we first wrote A Trip to the Beach, for example, we never expected to receive letters of thanks. We had hoped to entertain readers with the story of our move to Anguilla and our first wonderful, hair-raising year there. But inspire them? The thought had never really crossed our minds. Yet dozens and then hundreds and by now, thousands of strangers from all over wrote to tell us how grateful they were that we had shared our story. They took to heart our simple tale of living what you love – and they went on to change their own lives as a result. That experience taught us the power of a story.

Now we’re all trying to comprehend the huge story of a global economic meltdown. How are we to deal with such overwhelming events? Well, this would be a time to share our own stories of courage, to help and support each other as much as we can. We invite you to share your own true story of positive change, or the story of someone you know. Someone who is living what they love. Just click on “Tell Us Your Story” at the top of this page or, if you prefer, simply post it here in the blog. Either way, you have the power to offer strength and encouragement to someone in need. You never know the good those words can do!

The art of living what you love

Bob and Mel — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 21:02:27 +0000

A recent question from one of our readers made us think about the way temperament interacts with living what you love. Mia is a trained artist who wants to make a living as a painter and sculptor but she has no idea how to go about marketing herself. She feels shy and unconnected to the art world, and wonders if she has to come up with a gimmick to “sell” her work, as so many nationally known artists have. How, she asked, does a self-proclaimed introvert succeeed as an artist?

There’s no doubt that we’re all born with different personality types. Some people are naturally outgoing, while others are more self-contained. But regardless of these qualities, you need passion, commitment and personal integrity in order to live what you love. These are qualities that Mia has in abundance and she can draw upon them to find her own place in the art world. Compromises and adjustments may be necessary but a rich and rewarding life is open to both introverts and extroverts. So start with the 5-point D.R.E.A.M. plan and see where you end up!

The Hidden Kitchen

Bob and Mel — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 17:42:02 +0000

Peo8le always ask us how we find the energy to start new businesses but for us, it’s just not work. It’s a way to experience new pleasures every day. We were in Boston just the other week following up on a lead for some tropical dried flowers to sell in our on-line store. AS we were leaving, hibiscus and bird of paradise in hand, we noticed some policemen stepping out of an unmarked doorway carrying paper bags that were clearly filled with food. We looked around: no restaurant in sight. Curiosity got the best of us – some people follow the money; we always follow the food – so we circled around to retrace their footsteps. This led us to a doorway that appeared to lead into a small, anonymous office building. Then we saw a very little counter with a sign that read “The Hidden Kitchen.”

You know those moments of serendipity that you never want to forget? Well, that’s what we experienced in this tiny “restaurant.” We had fried egg sandwiches for $1.65 that will go down as the best we’ve ever tasted. Raving about egg sandwiches may seem a bit crazy, but it’s really more than that. Being restaurateurs, we treasure all types of dining experiences as long as there’s some kind of passion and commitment evident in the food, the service, the ambiance. The Hidden Kitchen scores on all fronts. Nick and Maria Koufos, the Greek couple who run the place, make everything from scratch and welcome customers to their closet of a restaurant with open arms. It felt like we had found another home. And once again we bumped into the truth that’s hidden in plain sight: when you keep your eyes open, life offers unexpected pleasures in funny places.

Ch-ch-ch-ch changes

Bob and Mel — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 13:00:56 +0000

Having a baby, losing a job, moving to a new town, getting divorced, starting a business, getting married, becoming the boss, becoming a grandparent—what do all these things have in common?

Change, of course, is the common denominator. The big life changes, like birth and marriage and death, are easily visible yet our lives are all changing minute to minute. (Isn’t that what’s so amazing about being around little kids? You can actually see the changes from day to day, as they grow and learn.) For some reason, human beings resist change—it feels scary and stressful. But change is unavoidable. How you handle change is where choice comes in.

Successfully dealing with change depends on researching and evaluating the challenges and options at hand. Give yourself the gift of time to work on this without distractions.

1) Ask yourself what you want to do.
2) Be as focused as you can with your answers. Write them down!
3) Give careful consideration to all options, no matter how improbable they may seem.
Right now, you’re gathering information.
4) Acknowledge that change is a normal, natural part of life.

Keep coming back to this exercise until you can clearly express the changes you need to make in order to live the life you want. The insights you gain at this point will allow you to move forward. And you’ll develop the confidence that you can do more than simply endure change. You can—really and truly—learn to embrace it.

If it’s broken, fix it!

Bob and Mel — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 18:00:59 +0000

What do you do when something breaks down? Let’s say your car or your computer or your plumbing stops working. What do you do—after you stop cursing? It’s pretty obvious: you either call a repair person or you fix it yourself. And if it’s something important, you do it right away. That’s just common sense. But here’s the point: if you wouldn’t hesitate to fix a lamp, why hesitate to fix your life?

Obviously, the stakes are different but which, in fact, is more important—your stuff or your life? What if it’s your job that needs to be fixed? Or a business that needs to be started? Maybe it’s a relationship that needs to end. Maybe you need to move closer to work or you need to move someplace far away. Whatever. If something in your life is broken, take it upon yourself to fix it.

We know how overwhelming this can seem, and we also know how essential it is to think carefully before making life changes. But just as you sometimes get help repairing your possessions, there’s help available for making life repairs. Our 5-step D.R.E.A.M. guide to changing your course is one place to start.

Remember:
- Decide what you want to change
- Research your options—knowledge always trumps fear
- Evaluate the most feasible option
- Act to make your plan real
- Maintain your dream to make sure it lasts